The Gleam of Moonlight
Thursday, January 14, 2010
I'm sorry
Finally my blog template is done! *sob* my eyes...they're really getting tired. A million thanks to choa rong and jingshi for helping and teaching me all these. Thanks a lot~! :)
So I guess I should be blogging now?
Well, as some of you may know, i'll be leaving to pursue my dream as a pharmacist in Feb soon. And when I say soon, I mean REAL SOON~ Yes, time flies. After these 3 months of holidays, I'm actually starting another journey of my life...... And this is so far....the hardest.
4 years...not too long, yet not short either. What's more is that, I'll be leaving my beloved family, friends and hometown this time. About 2 weeks ago, I was thinking: I'm only leaving for 9 months, will be coming back during summer holidays what? What's there to be afraid of? What's there to be upset of?
If you know me well, you should know I'm the kind of girl who's not afraid to be home alone. I can have my dinner without my parents joining me yet doesn't feel lonely at all. I can watch TV the whole day without others by my side. Well...at least most of the time I don't really feel lonely. And so I thought: I'll be fine. There's nothing to worry about.
But then I realised I was SO SO wrong. I was emm...sort of packing things to bring to my new house this afternoon, and....I found this thing which I never knew it existed, a photo album. When I opened it, I....I felt weird....I was wondering who was this baby my parents were carrying, this baby whom all my cousins, relatives were looking at with smiles and laughters on their faces. And then I knew....it was me. Funny isn't it? I don't even recognise myself. But the first few pictures really didn't look like me...haha. Well...as I turned the pages slowly, suddenly I felt my tears streaming down. One drop, two drops and then I cried. What happened? I don't really know. I saw my mum, my dad, my uncle aunties, my grandparents. The pictures aren't moving yet I can feel it. I can see the situation back then, I can feel the love they had for me when I was little. They still do now, and I know that.
How good it is to be baby, a kid. No matter what you do, adults won't get angry, coz we were naive, we were innocent. We don't know what's wrong and what's right. But as you grow up, you slowly learned more stuff. The more things we learn, more mature we'll be right? then shouldn't we know what is right to do and what's not? But on the contrary, we end up hurting our beloved ones' feelings. I did that, I was wrong.
I'm sorry...dad, mum. Why is it that people always start to treasure things they had when they found out that they had already lost it? Why is it that today I was looking forward to going Adelaide and the next day I realised actually........I'm not prepared for that and I missed my family. I can't hold back my tears anymore.
I know I have only less than a month left. I know I should face all these with courage coz I'm already 19, well.....goin to be 19.
I will not be celebrating CNY and my birthday right here, in this house, this state, this country this year. But I hope this year's Chinese New Year will turn out to be a good one, a great one!
p/s: I'll definitely listen to what you say and think more of the positive side and be optimistic always. You've been giving me much support and great advice these few weeks. You've spent much time on me, bringing me for checkups, applying visa, shopping for aussie. I just wanna say....
thank you, mum....from the bottom of my heart. And.........I won't let you down~! XOXO
♥
*ching*
11:58 PM
